{nixos-hardware, ...}: let
  config = name: system: additional: {
    inherit name;
    value = {
      inherit system;
      modules =
        [
          {
            networking.hostName = name;
            nixpkgs.hostPlatform = system;
          }
        ]
        ++ additional;
    };
  };

  filesystem = fsType: path: device: options: {
    fileSystems.${path} =
      {
        inherit device fsType;
      }
      // (
        if options == null
        then {}
        else {inherit options;}
      );
  };

  fs.mergerfs = filesystem "fuse.mergerfs";
  fs.btrfs = filesystem "btrfs";
  fs.ext4 = filesystem "ext4";
  fs.vfat = filesystem "vfat";
  swap = device: {swapDevices = [{inherit device;}];};

  cpu = brand: {hardware.cpu.${brand}.updateMicrocode = true;};
  qemu = {modulesPath, ...}: {
    imports = ["${modulesPath}/profiles/qemu-guest.nix"];
  };
in
  {
    universal.modules = [
      (
        {
          pkgs,
          lib,
          ...
        }: {
          environment.systemPackages = with pkgs; [mergerfs];
          hardware.enableRedistributableFirmware = true;
          boot.kernelPackages = pkgs.linuxPackages_latest; # hope this doesn't break anything -e
          networking.useDHCP = lib.mkDefault true;
        }
      )
    ];

    personal.modules = [
      {
        services.fwupd.enable = true;
      }
    ];
  }
  // builtins.listToAttrs [
    (config "capsaicin" "x86_64-linux" [
      (cpu "intel")
      (fs.btrfs "/" "/dev/disk/by-uuid/a1a32f8b-847c-4349-8743-05d25950db1d" null)
      (fs.btrfs "/mnt/hdd1tb" "/dev/disk/by-uuid/1b1451cd-89ce-4daa-afdb-37ceecbb9484" null)
      (fs.ext4 "/mnt/hdd500gb" "/dev/disk/by-uuid/d7a35003-4b60-4a5e-b87a-af7c18eefe04" null)
      (fs.vfat "/boot" "/dev/disk/by-uuid/5C2E-B6F1" null)
      (swap "/dev/disk/by-uuid/16f09a9c-74ef-4a32-b9c0-d3948d76f3a0")
      {
        boot.loader.systemd-boot.enable = true;
        zramSwap.enable = true;
        boot.initrd.kernelModules = [];
        boot.initrd.availableKernelModules = [
          "xhci_pci"
          "ahci"
          "usbhid"
          "sd_mod"
        ];
        boot.kernelModules = [
          "usbmon"
          "v4l2loopback"
        ];
        boot.extraModulePackages = [];
      }
    ])
    (config "menthol" "x86_64-linux" [
      (cpu "intel")
      (fs.btrfs "/" "/dev/disk/by-uuid/1a254d99-6480-4557-b3e8-e8ee745f5832" null)
      (swap "/dev/disk/by-uuid/455a7c78-fdc3-4dbb-b9f2-9518d960191b")
      {
        boot.loader.grub.enable = true;
        boot.loader.grub.device = "/dev/sda";
        boot.initrd.kernelModules = [];
        boot.initrd.availableKernelModules = [
          "xhci_pci"
          "ahci"
          "sd_mod"
          "rtsx_pci_sdmmc"
        ];
        boot.kernelModules = ["kvm-intel"];
        boot.extraModulePackages = [];
      }
    ])
    (config "glucose" "x86_64-linux" [
      (cpu "intel")
      (fs.btrfs "/" "/dev/disk/by-uuid/abbb549e-19b4-4855-b3c7-0b81ab784b74" null)
      (swap "/dev/disk/by-uuid/dc948ee6-94fb-49b2-94d4-317aa41f1a9d")
      {
        boot.loader.grub.enable = true;
        boot.loader.grub.device = "/dev/sda";
        boot.initrd.kernelModules = [];
        boot.initrd.availableKernelModules = [
          "xhci_pci"
          "ehci_pci"
          "ahci"
          "sd_mod"
        ];
        boot.kernelModules = [];
        boot.extraModulePackages = [];
      }
    ])
    (config "fructose" "x86_64-linux" [
      (cpu "intel")
      (fs.btrfs "/" "/dev/disk/by-uuid/e1b611e6-485f-4c2e-81fa-2fbcb3a7f1ba" null)
      (swap "/dev/disk/by-uuid/83c561a1-08b9-4b48-bdfc-102098fd2059")
      {
        boot.loader.grub.enable = true;
        boot.loader.grub.device = "/dev/sda";
        boot.initrd.kernelModules = [];
        boot.initrd.availableKernelModules = [
          "xhci_pci"
          "ehci_pci"
          "ahci"
          "sd_mod"
        ];
        boot.kernelModules = [];
        boot.extraModulePackages = [];
      }
    ])
    (config "aspartame" "x86_64-linux" [
      qemu
      (fs.ext4 "/" "/dev/disk/by-uuid/2def7bee-b1e3-49ea-b46c-33f272aaa5b2" null)
      {
        boot.tmp.cleanOnBoot = true;
        zramSwap.enable = true;
        boot.loader.grub.device = "/dev/sda";
        boot.initrd.availableKernelModules = [
          "ata_piix"
          "uhci_hcd"
          "virtio_pci"
          "virtio_scsi"
          "sd_mod"
        ];
        boot.initrd.kernelModules = [];
      }
    ])
  ]